Thor Odinson: Guide and Owner's Manual
by Erestory
Summary: Want to stop Thor from eating all the poptarts? Keep getting him confused with your golden retriever? He keeps waving his hammer at the speaker system at work? Read the manual for help!


Congratulations!

You are now the owner of a fully automated **Thor **unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your adorable asgardian, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**Basic Information:**

**Name: Thor Odinson**

**Date Of Manufacture: **Year of 67BC

**Place Of Manufacture: **Marvel, Nine Realms

**Height: **Around 6'2"

**Weight: **Unknown

**Race: **Asgardian

**Your Thorunit will come with the following accessories**

Three shirts

Two pants

2 boots

2 Set of Armor

1 case of "Cape be clean"

1 Mjolnir

When you first open your **Thor **unit, he will be crazy and loud. Tase and hit him with a car and he will become manageable.

**Cleaning: **The **Thor**unit is fully capable of cleaning himself but will not keep the house clean.

**Programming:**

Your **Thor** unit is brave and honorable, and can carry out the following functions:

**Spar Partner: **Whether it's learning how break out of a headlock to handling a sword twice your size **Thor **has all the experience to teach you what you want to know.

**Leader: **Centuries of life has honed **Thor**'s leadership skills to a fine point. Want to charge into glorious battles? Find food so succulent you think you gone to Valhalla? Ask your **Thor** to guide you.

**Bodyguard: Thor **is as strong as a ox and as durable as a the nine realms itself. Got a stalker? Need to walk home at night? Don't worry because you will always be safe with **Thor **around.

**Walking astronomy book: **Curious about what lies beyond the stars? Need to draw the world tree for class?Get **Thor **to help you.

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**Your _Thor _unit comes with five different modes:**

Brother

King

Companion

Enraged

Hero

The **Companion **mode is activated whenever **Thor** is with other units Avengers. He will laugh at jokes, talk to people, comment on the others tininess, drink, go on adventures, devour poptarts, and smile. He will also react differently to different units in this mode.

**King **is activated when **Thor** is placed in a place of power over others in Asgard. He will command, strut, demand obedience, ignore most advice, and give battle speeches.

The **Brother** mode is activated when **Thor **is with a **Loki **unit. He will lead his brother on adventures, comfort, joke, mock, defend, spar and refuse kisses. After a **Loki **goes into madness **Thor** will try to convince **Loki** to stop being evil and come home.

**Enraged: **This is activated when **Thor **is insulted by frost giants, insulted, insulted by Loki, insulted, his offer of peace with Loki is rejected, his home, friends, families are threatened and someone brings up the wedding to the ogre king incident

The **hero** mode is activated when people are in danger. Thor will attack enemies, call storms, fly, summon lightning, charge, and if necessary offer his life for others.

(Please note that companion and brother are always available before and after a **Loki** learn of his heritage.)

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_**Reaction to other units:**_

**Odin All-Father**: The Odin is his father and Thor will love and always try to impress him. You can leave them alone.

**Lady Frigga**: This unit is his mother and means more to Thor than any other. He will not harm, scream, or curse around her. You can leave them alone.

**Loki Odin-Laufeyson **: This unit is the adopted brother and close to the **Thor **unit who will always be in the **brother **mode before and after **Loki** finds out the truth. The **Thor **will never stop loving, trying to redeem and attempting to taking the Loki unit "home". After the truth is revealed Loki will go into **madness** around the **Thor**.

**Clint Barton****: **The **Thor **is in** companion **mode around the** Clint** unit. He will spar, make bird jokes, enjoy food and sports, fight alongside, and talk to the **Clint **unit.

**Natasha ****Romanova**: The **Natasha** and **Thor** will get along just fine. There will be a moment of words if they have come into contact with a mad **Loki** but it causes no lasting effects. Other times they will spar, eat food, watch TV and fight enemies together.

**Tony Stark**: This unit will banter with a **Thor **and get into awesome sparing matches with him. Since **Thor** would be in **companion** mode they will also eat a lot of food and consume hours of TV together. Would not leave them unsupervised because the **Tony** is bound to talk the **Thor** into doing things by calling is a Midgard tradition.

**Bruce Banner**: The **Bruce **and** Thor** will get along fine as long as the **Bruce** does not go into _HULK_ mode. **Thor** is the only one who can deal with the **Hulk **but otherwise you can leave them alone.

**Steve Rogers**: These two get along great. Since **Thor **will be in **companion** mode they will spar, try to understand modern references, be confused, eat (a lot) and recount battles.

**Nick Fury**: He is the SHIELD boss and is respected by the **Thor**. The **Fury** does have to give him a push when dealing with a mad **Loki** but otherwise there is no problems.

**Phil Coulson**: The **Thor** has a lot of respect for the **Coulson** unit and would often listen to what he has to say. No problem leaving them alone.

**Erik Selving: **These two are friends and will get drunk together.

**Jane Foster:** These two are in love. Warning: When together these two would be extremely fluffy and teethrotting.

**Darcy Lewis**: These units are friends. She would not tase the **Thor**.

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**Frequently** **Asked Questions**

**Q: **My **Thor **keeps climbing trees and rescuing kittens. The other day he ran across the street to save a raccoon. What the-?

**A: **Thor must be bored and somehow stuck in **Hero** mode. You can either reset him or find a mad** Loki **and point **Thor** in his direction. He will revert to **brother **mode and stop confusing you.

**Q: **My friend has a mad **Loki** and my **Thor** and her unit are always screaming and fighting. She wants to lock them in a room so they can fix their differences. How do we do that without burning down the city?

**A:**You need to buy a **Frigga** Unit. She will keep things relatively calm because the guys will not scream, curse, or fight in front of her.

**Q: **My **Thor **and **Steve** are arguing over who would make the better leader and I think it will come to blows. What do I do?

**A: **Hurry up and buy a** Coulson **unit and he will prevent any fighting.

**Q: **My **Thor** keeps watching Lifetime and reading romance novels and is constantly staring off into space. He even tried writing poetry. WHY?

**A: **He must be lonely. The only cure is to get a **Jane** unit and they will be in lover land.

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**Warranty: **With proper care, the **Thor **unit will live for centuries and die of old age, unless a battle kills him. However, if you get frustrated with the golden prince, you can always send him back to our company for a full refund (within 12 months of purchase).


End file.
